Once It Was... and Never Will

Once there was a girl who was owned by none. Discriminated by many and looked over by some... Once there was a girl... so lonesome. so odd. so baduy. so lousy. Once there was me...

I cannot forget the days when people would mock at me and laugh at my dreams. Make fun of my job aims and make me feel stupid... There had been people who looked at me as if i'm a beggar and knows not to work for my ambitions in life... who felt that i could reach nothing because i could not get a degree because of poverty... I could not forget the day when i could hardly find a shelter till angels came and took me.

It's bitter enough to let this out right now and it may be too early. But since writing has been my outlet and the one thing i could take courage to compete in this changing world, i gathered enough strength tonight to share my thoughts and views about the most terrible things that happened to me in the past.

Never will it be easy to be disowned as much as be mocked by people of your own blood. Sometimes, I want to tell these people that I don't need them but I can't because I do need them. If i treat friends like a family, how much more would you have to treat the real ones? People when they become treasures are very priceless. But once you've lost them, it's hard to take them back. It could either be because they've totally found their way out or they have been found by others who could cuddle and take good care of them as if they're already a big part of their lives.

I pity those people who thinks highly of themselves. My heart goes out to people who considers not the effort of others to push their lives to be better. I find some pathetic for having ignored the accomplishments made by one. And finally, I owe my achievements to these people who have really tried their best to pull me down... Well guys, nice try... I am still here. Filled with so much love...

Let me just express my very special thanks to all my foes who lit the fire and send it burning like one candle to see lives of many and learn from them... It has been a crazy life. Yes it was but it has been fun. I may think this early that the craziness has ended but it feels like the sentence to a bitter life has ended. It has been made sweet already.

It has not been as bitter as plain coffee but somebody special's favorite... DARK CHOCOLATE. Yes.. not that bad. There were people who made me happy as much as dark chocolates can bring to some people who adore them... I am overwhelmed with gratitude coz I have found priceless treasures worth keeping. There's not that much to keep but the journey has been quite enough to say I am indeed happy for these people has been there despite my ups and downs. Who never left me hanging despite flaws...

And so i say... Once it was a heck of a life's journey and will never will it go that way again... I am not yet halfway 'round it but it's beginning to move to its brightest. Thank you Lord... and THANK YOU Dear One.. for inspiring me...

If It Makes a Difference

I was suddenly inspired by Beyonce's song If I Were A Boy when i got on board the ship for Cebu this afternoon... Well, i loved the song when i heard it but i wanted to go over the lyrics suddenly... I may sound funny but i just thought of this when i needed a port man for my huge suitcase and i needed for boarding and docking... grrrrrrr.... and also to get me a taxi once i reached cebu today...

And i thought... well.. maybe if i were a boy, i would not need to hire somebody. I could do it myself... or things like that... then suddenly, after disturbing people from calling them especially one of my new found special friend i miss and good enough there are cellphones and the internet... love it!
But anyweis... i just thought that i could maybe understand boys if i become one of them in just a couple of hours just for me to know how it really feels to be one.. if i could be loyal, if i could be a pain in the ass or i could be the best lover in the world although not perfect but real...

I don't know if i would be a good one but i know i will try because i have longed for a love that's true from a guy although not perfect... but i'm not a boy that's why i really don't have any clue. but if i'll be given the chance to possess the strength (aside from the fact that i dont have to hire anyone to carry my things anymore), i'll try not to hurt girls... i'll try not to cause their tears from falling... and be the reason for their misery...

If I Were A Boy

If I were a boy even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted
And go drink beer with the guys

And chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
And I'd never get confronted for it
'Cause they stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they'd think that I was sleeping alone

I'd put myself first
And make the rules as I go
'Cause I know that she'd be faithful
Waiting for me to come home, to come home
[ From : http://www.elyrics.net/read/b/beyonce-lyrics/if-i-were-a-boy-lyrics.html ]

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you're just a boy
You don't understand
And you don't understand, oh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man

You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
'Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy

I just wish for love... Much much love. If I can just uplift a friend right now so I won't see her cry anymore... I hate to see friends in despair of wanting to go out from something and all i can do is say, you can do it. Dear Lord, if it makes a difference that i become a boy in just a day and learn a few lessons in life so I would enlighten my mind and get through understanding men, I would... and so I could take my friend away and let her fly... maybe if i was a boy, i'd have the courage to grab my friend and let her soar high. I don't know why we've just met but there may be a purpose... but if it makes a dear difference Lord, let me be...

It's Never How Long... But How Deep...

Friends are treasures found... but once found, they're never identical. They have their own worlds. They have their own stories even if they are related by blood.

It's never how long you've met the person but how deep you've known each other even just for a very short period of time.... It will always be how much you have dared to be with each other and even dared to share even the tippest tip your hair... without hesitation and without any doubt...

There are not much people in this world whom you can dare to be yourself with. People you can easily feel comfortable with and people who can make you feel fine even if they have not done anything really really special except for the fact that they have shared their life with you. That's more than anything special in this world.

I have met two angels living a life in two different heavens just four days ago... Have known them not in the past but it seemed like we have known each other for years... It wasn't hard for me to enter the lives they call their haven for now and their feelings dwelling in different sanctuaries because they've let me. And it has been an honor... so much of an honor... and i thank them for the trust and the faith they have in me.

Personalities differ as much as experiences in life and there's nobody who can question that. There may be people who believes not in destiny but there are some who does. If the person is destined to have that kind of fate, then that's it but, if you can still do something about it, it's time to do your share for your life if you want it changed...for the better. Take courage and believe in the gifts that God has showered you. They have not been made to sleep but to be put into practice. Have not found them yet? Try finding them... it's somewhere inside your heart...

We can never question the happiness that lies before us in the future and the present even. Whatever makes us happy is what we think is right at the moment. All we have to do is just make it right. How? Think of what's best for people around you especially those that are really connected to you and ask yourself if you would really be happy with holding on or just letting go and venturing to another phase in life... Not so simple but never even that hard. You can never force yourself to be happy with something. Just open your heart and open your mind, you'll be free.

As what I've said, it is never how long you've been together with the person. It should be how much you know about them and how much they have shared their thoughts with you. It is just sad that I have met them in this time of my life when I have to go and leave this place I have learned to love. A place where I found a sanctuary. A good one at that. It has never been the best place but not even the worst. Different people. Different personalities. Different experiences.

It was only with these two angels where I've been moved much despite from the fact that I have been receiving love problems to give my advices to but it's different when people shares their life personally and would even reach out to you and give their own thoughts about their life. Way too different, isn't it? It's just a big relief. Another way for God to tell me that I am not alone...

Thank you so much to my new found friends for making me realize a lot of things. It has been my pleasure knowing you both. So different, so unique but equally amazing. Time heals all wounds as what a song says. And let me say, i hope the song for our friendship plays now until forever... With much love and prayers for you both! I'll miss you! :-)

Believe...NOT

You're in the best of your senses all the days of your life...
You could do things trudging the right path... undisturbed... Smile without the fear of spilling the glass of juice and get stained... Never too conscious of what others may say...
Never fucked up... Never feeling as if the whole world is looking at you...

Then suddenly, you fall in love... Thinking high.. Expecting the most wonderful feeling in the whole wide world.. Wanting to feel comfort. It has been so wonderfully amazing at first.. So wonderful that you have forgotten how good you've been. How easy you felt before. You cared no more as to what may happen...

WHY? Because he made you believe he loves you as much... made you hope that there's something in the relationship... even made you feel he really cared.
Everything seemed so real. Because he made you believe he loved you.

Those were the stupidity days... and now please be awake and believe that you have your own life to live... And believe not... in him... anymore.

Happy Valentine's Day!

It's another special day for lovers in love... There are a lot of things you may do today as special as you want it to be... But whatever that thing is, you are still doing this for love.

Love is something so special and wonderful. It's mysterious but it's as fabulous for a feeling there is. It conquers all as what others may say. But it too is as painful when it tries to teach you a lesson so for it to be as sweet and as lovely.

Love. Love. Love.

For me it's amazing as it should be although it has not done any good to me these days. It has crashed my heart for the nth time. It has teared my feelings apart that I know no more what it can give to me...

But in time, I know, I will be better. I will be as good as new... In time.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Power Love: Letter

Dear Teacher Gabrielle,

I have never been a fan of radio programs giving advices to those who are with love problems not until I've had my own. I've always thought that crying it all out would be the best solution or rather, act as if nothing's happened... But listening to lovers' problems made me realize I might need one to advice me too.

I am such a major big looser when it comes to loving. My friends would usually ask for my opinion when it comes to their lovelife. That's the irony. And I hate it a lot. It seems like I'm one brainless lad, totally forgot what she's been sharing with others.

And here it goes... I used to work in Manila as a call center agent. I would just visit Ormoc for short vacations. Recently, I came home for a 3-day vacation and to cut it short, I met this 21 year old guy. I must admit he;s cute, has the good choiceon clothes and totally appealing. I spent much of my time with him rather than my family and sacrificed reunions with friends... Eventually, we have fallen inlove with each other or should I say, I did fall inlove. So much. His sweetness, his generosity and everything. Sounding both bitter and inlove am I?

I may have been so stupid then for not having realized that it'll end like this. He never introduced me to his family for all those times we've been together. It could've seemed so short. 3 days... But I managed to introduce him to my family... Know what's crazier? He made me promise to work here instead. And I did. I had to go back to file my formal resignation because in my heart, it was all set. "He's the man," I thought... I didn't even wonder why in my 2nd day in Manila, he stopped communicating with me anymore... I don't know what made me push my resignation still despite of that...

I at once flew back because I was missing him already. Eventually, I expected him to fetch me at the Tacloban Airport just like when I left. It's impossible if somebody would tell me I didn't tell him. I did.

So there. I arrived at around 2:50PM and with full of excitement turned my cellphone back on... There were 10 messages unread but of course I opened the message from Charles. It read: "I will always love you my Danielle... You have been a blessing to me..." Honestly, I was delighted knowing that but I twinged because there was something more... It said: "My ex-girlfriend is pregnant and I am the father... I'm sorry but it has to end this way... I can'y continue to hurt you because of this..."

It was like all the lights were turned on before I opened the message but suddenly,there was a major black-out. I couldn't see anymore for tears suddenly rushed down my cheeks... The power that kept me holding failed me... When all the stupidity in the whole wide world came in, most of it came to me...

Teacher Gab... I need you to please enlighten me right now. I am home doing nothing. A part of me still hoping for him to text... A part of me hates him for doing this to me... He may claim this isn't his fault but he has a choice, right? I don't know what to do really... I've given up a lot just for him... Please help me.

-Danielle-

My Big Kuya's Upcoming Wedding

It seems like yesterday when all our worries were all about toys, candies and new clothes... Living in the provincial part of Leyte is never very easy. When you're a little bit older, you might think you are deprived of a lot of things because you're not as wealthy as the people living in the cities.

Kuya Pat as he is known to us, seemed so serious with his studies being the eldest in the family and wanting to get a little bit away from poverty. The family we belong to is never too poor or not even wealthy but still, we want to see ourselves soaring in success. For children you may see now walking 1 km from the house to their school, it may seem fun for them but actually, it's their agony. To Kuya, it was indeed a relief after graduation. Got a good job, studied again and now, about to be wed.

Although they already have a pretty baby, they'll still see themselves walking in the church aisle of Palo Cathedral Church on October 10, 2010. A triple ten date for a wedding. Good choice!
He and Ate Althea will soon face before the altar and be blessed by God with the little bride Esther Bernice...

To both of you, Congratulations and Best Wishes in Advance! I made this simple logo for you but please let me know if you have corrections or if it doesn't pass your standards.. :-D