To Daddy God (1)

Dear Daddy God,

I am not very sure if I am trudging the right path these days... But I am pretty sure that all I want is to make people happy... Not that much of pleasing them because I know it's hard.. For my family, I have always prayed and wished them the best. As much as I could, I have extended my support. But it seems like all of what I did is never enough. How much do I have to give Dear Daddy? I know that forgiving according to your word is until forever and maybe, just maybe, I have to endure every hurt and every pain people cause me to feel because maybe, just maybe, it's a part of my mission... Sometimes i would wonder what mission there is to fulfill Dear Daddy... I wanna go. I wanna finish it already so I could be there with angels if I deserve to be in heaven.

It's strange when you let two entirely different people cross paths. What's bad about me is I get myself too attached to the person especially when the person's so dear to me already. It's wrong maybe Dear Daddy to love a friend sooooooooo much that you'd always want what's best for her. She has been through a lot of tough times as I understand and as I have seen it although she has been raised very well and have not suffered in finances but she has been facing so much... Forgive me Daddy God for loving my super friend so much... I just hope she's not yet so fed up with me. I just want what's best for her but if she's happy with the life she would choose, i will have to try to be happy for her...

Daddy God, please let me know when I would have to step out of my super friend's life so I would be ready. So i would be able to teach my heart to get used to be away from my super friend. And with this Dear Daddy, I pray that she will be all right.. she'll be very fine and her son too. When I see her very much okay, i'd be much happier.

Thank you Daddy God for letting our paths cross. Amen.

With Ate Oday

My Family

When Love and Friendship Means Forever...

Friends are the ones you dare to be yourself with... In my recent post, i have mentioned that it is never how long you know a person but it's how deep the togetherness has been... Even in love...

This year has been a lucky year for me although it did not start out perfectly for Love... but i'm more than okay now... I wish i could post the pictures and our talks so to let the whole world know i am indeed a lucky girl... When i was about to say i'll never be happy in love, well, this one stopped me... I hope this one's forever already...

In friendship, there are not much people who has been as true to me... i am just lucky that when i was in that beautiful place, i found some good ones. :-)

Days before I left Ormoc, I have met two good souls. Friends we have considered each other because of how comfortable our hearts were for each other. I have told you lots about them in my recent posts... and here they are now... Well, Kuya Erick has been a good friend since i stepped into the portals of the City. Big Brother as i may consider him... :-) Maimai... in pink... no ifs, no buts, no hesitations... whatever comes inside her mind, she lets it out... outgoing... extrovert. Speaks frankly... but as sweet and as lovable as her sister Sarah... :-)

Sarah has been the friend i have been able to talk with every single day... well, we have missed those times to get to know each other and bond that much because it seemed like our opposite sides met. She's been my outlet, my confidante and my companion even just online or thru text. It's how amazing technology is to connect people... :-)

I am just as thankful as ever for having met beautiful souls... As of now, i can never ask for more... :-)

If there is a word to express how thankful i am for now, more than the words THANK YOU SO MUCH, I would love to say those... :-) Right now, I am just grateful that there has been a MATT, who bears with me and seems to accept me for who i am and gives me the importance i have long been waiting for... there has been a SARAH, an Angel who's just been as wonderful... i have never expected to meet such a genuine person... Thank you... there has been a MAIMAI who makes me feel like i am not alone in all these bad dreams in life... always true to me, thank you for the trust. To Kuya Erick... friendship can never be bought, sold or grabbed by no other... thank you for treating me like your little sister and for entrusting to me even the most crucial secrets of your life...
You all have just made me feel so blessed... Let this be Forever... our togetherness.

If This is a Dream, I Wanna Wake Up No More...

Tears suddenly started to fall through my cheeks again tonight... This is the first time I have been touched by a song shared with me. And a very beautiful message cheered up my restless soul when I read the message at one internet stall at SM Cubao.
Wow... i suddenly told myself, if this is a dream, i want to wake up no more...

It isn't that there has been nobody who touched my soul yet. Or even a guy who has shared his feelings with me. Well, there has been but hey... not as sweet and not as deep as this. I may sound weird or strange but it has sent me sailing. A very meaningful song that was. Just in time to respond to my "Thank God I Found You" or was i just imagining?

I may have been a music addict since i even quit my recent job but this song has touched the depth of my soul today... John Michael Montgomery's I Can Love You Like That... It can't be too soon, I said but it is welcome when the intentions are true... I have been filled with so much emotions i could leap for joy...

But really, to you, you know who you are, THANK YOU SO MUCH... but why that song? Still curious somehow...

It has been a long and tiring day. I wasn't able to sleep well and all that. My thoughts has always been filled with a lot of things since arrived here in Manila. So many goals to reach. So many tasks to fulfill... Family pressure and all that. Going online has never been frustrating anymore. It seemed a relief everytime I open up my FB account or my YM. Before, it only seemed to be a past time, or just something to check before getting to work on my articles. But now, it all seems to be an obligation. A beautiful one because i will either talk to special people or just simply read their messages to me. It gives me so much delight already. Enough to keep me going...

And to my dear friend, my confidante, every hour, every minute, single day of our friendship, thank you for the companionship though we are separated by distance, the friendship bridges us together... You're amazing just the way you are that's why I'll Just Be Here for you...

Once It Was... and Never Will

Once there was a girl who was owned by none. Discriminated by many and looked over by some... Once there was a girl... so lonesome. so odd. so baduy. so lousy. Once there was me...

I cannot forget the days when people would mock at me and laugh at my dreams. Make fun of my job aims and make me feel stupid... There had been people who looked at me as if i'm a beggar and knows not to work for my ambitions in life... who felt that i could reach nothing because i could not get a degree because of poverty... I could not forget the day when i could hardly find a shelter till angels came and took me.

It's bitter enough to let this out right now and it may be too early. But since writing has been my outlet and the one thing i could take courage to compete in this changing world, i gathered enough strength tonight to share my thoughts and views about the most terrible things that happened to me in the past.

Never will it be easy to be disowned as much as be mocked by people of your own blood. Sometimes, I want to tell these people that I don't need them but I can't because I do need them. If i treat friends like a family, how much more would you have to treat the real ones? People when they become treasures are very priceless. But once you've lost them, it's hard to take them back. It could either be because they've totally found their way out or they have been found by others who could cuddle and take good care of them as if they're already a big part of their lives.

I pity those people who thinks highly of themselves. My heart goes out to people who considers not the effort of others to push their lives to be better. I find some pathetic for having ignored the accomplishments made by one. And finally, I owe my achievements to these people who have really tried their best to pull me down... Well guys, nice try... I am still here. Filled with so much love...

Let me just express my very special thanks to all my foes who lit the fire and send it burning like one candle to see lives of many and learn from them... It has been a crazy life. Yes it was but it has been fun. I may think this early that the craziness has ended but it feels like the sentence to a bitter life has ended. It has been made sweet already.

It has not been as bitter as plain coffee but somebody special's favorite... DARK CHOCOLATE. Yes.. not that bad. There were people who made me happy as much as dark chocolates can bring to some people who adore them... I am overwhelmed with gratitude coz I have found priceless treasures worth keeping. There's not that much to keep but the journey has been quite enough to say I am indeed happy for these people has been there despite my ups and downs. Who never left me hanging despite flaws...

And so i say... Once it was a heck of a life's journey and will never will it go that way again... I am not yet halfway 'round it but it's beginning to move to its brightest. Thank you Lord... and THANK YOU Dear One.. for inspiring me...

If It Makes a Difference

I was suddenly inspired by Beyonce's song If I Were A Boy when i got on board the ship for Cebu this afternoon... Well, i loved the song when i heard it but i wanted to go over the lyrics suddenly... I may sound funny but i just thought of this when i needed a port man for my huge suitcase and i needed for boarding and docking... grrrrrrr.... and also to get me a taxi once i reached cebu today...

And i thought... well.. maybe if i were a boy, i would not need to hire somebody. I could do it myself... or things like that... then suddenly, after disturbing people from calling them especially one of my new found special friend i miss and good enough there are cellphones and the internet... love it!
But anyweis... i just thought that i could maybe understand boys if i become one of them in just a couple of hours just for me to know how it really feels to be one.. if i could be loyal, if i could be a pain in the ass or i could be the best lover in the world although not perfect but real...

I don't know if i would be a good one but i know i will try because i have longed for a love that's true from a guy although not perfect... but i'm not a boy that's why i really don't have any clue. but if i'll be given the chance to possess the strength (aside from the fact that i dont have to hire anyone to carry my things anymore), i'll try not to hurt girls... i'll try not to cause their tears from falling... and be the reason for their misery...

If I Were A Boy

If I were a boy even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted
And go drink beer with the guys

And chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
And I'd never get confronted for it
'Cause they stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they'd think that I was sleeping alone

I'd put myself first
And make the rules as I go
'Cause I know that she'd be faithful
Waiting for me to come home, to come home
[ From : http://www.elyrics.net/read/b/beyonce-lyrics/if-i-were-a-boy-lyrics.html ]

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you're just a boy
You don't understand
And you don't understand, oh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man

You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
'Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy

I just wish for love... Much much love. If I can just uplift a friend right now so I won't see her cry anymore... I hate to see friends in despair of wanting to go out from something and all i can do is say, you can do it. Dear Lord, if it makes a difference that i become a boy in just a day and learn a few lessons in life so I would enlighten my mind and get through understanding men, I would... and so I could take my friend away and let her fly... maybe if i was a boy, i'd have the courage to grab my friend and let her soar high. I don't know why we've just met but there may be a purpose... but if it makes a dear difference Lord, let me be...